And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
