I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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