Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
