Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I cockslap morals
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
