Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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