so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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