Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
