It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Randomize
