Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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