i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
