I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
