everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
the condom got lost in my hair
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
