I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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