Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
