he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
