I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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