my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
