Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
His hands were made for my vagina.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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