Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
