my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
