i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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