she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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