she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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