im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
