i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
