i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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