I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
