Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
