This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
