just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
