I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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