hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
