I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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