a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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