we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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