Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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