you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
