my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
