Quick, to the slutcave!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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