how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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