I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
