Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
