I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
