i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
