Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
