the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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