He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
