Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
