I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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