life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
