just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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