Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The best revenge is premature balding
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
do herpes really smell.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
