Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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