Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Randomize
