Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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