I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We got so high we made milksteak
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
