Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
