We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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