no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
