His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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