I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
