My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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