If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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