I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
How does it feel to date your dad?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
