You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
