i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
