dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
