my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
