i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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